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  1. Replies
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    My friend has called us each night for the past...

    My friend has called us each night for the past three nights after her work, and I have a feeling about her calling tonight.
    I think she is not going to call, and I feel some feelings about it. ...
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    I have felt like money and a new home were not...

    I have felt like money and a new home were not worth the suffering they require; because my father made me suffer whenever I wanted anything from him.

    But I create my reality. So what if money...
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    If I wanted Anything I had to suffer for it. ...

    If I wanted Anything I had to suffer for it.
    What that means is that he was antagonistic, spiteful, demanding. He saw my desires and needs as opportunities to manipulate me and wield power over me....
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    So i create a reality where I cannot deserve...

    So i create a reality where I cannot deserve money because I have no value with which to deserve it. I could try to get a job but any such job will be suffering for money. Money means suffering....
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    Subjects My value in others eyes My self...

    Subjects

    My value in others eyes

    My self perception as attractive

    Making money

    Owning a new home.
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    And the sting I feel is the goad to act: I had...

    And the sting I feel is the goad to act: I had better do this or else...

    Or else what?
    What happens if I do not do it?
    If i do not do it, what is the or else?

    Be criticised. Be attacked....
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    It is not just no value, it is no reason for...

    It is not just no value, it is no reason for existing and no value in existing. I slip into a kind of deathly detached empty dead dried out feeling.

    Deepest dissociation.

    Because I think if I...
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    So my feelings about money relate to value and...

    So my feelings about money relate to value and being valued. I do not think I have anything of real value to offer. Low self esteem. I feel bad because I think no one will want me for any reason or...
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    So I look around and see things that arent the...

    So I look around and see things that arent the way I want them, and more money would let me change them.

    But in the background I have not felt worthy of more money, unless I shoulder particular...
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    The life i have lived has already provided...

    The life i have lived has already provided unspeakable value to all that is.
    I do not need to do anything more to earn or deserve support and abundance.
    My very being is worthy of abundance and...
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    No one is going to pay me unless I provide value...

    No one is going to pay me unless I provide value for them.
    That feels awful.
    I do not believe I have value to offer. That is why I feel so dismal about earning money.

    What value could I...
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    Discussing money beliefs with my brother: I...

    Discussing money beliefs with my brother:

    I dont think I have anything of value to offer except for unique insights and ideas and analysis because that was all my father valued from me. He only...
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    Money and a new house are clearly good for me,...

    Money and a new house are clearly good for me, but I am afraid of them.

    A new house - a house - especially is associated with all of my abuse and neglect. All of it happened in a house and much...
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    We know now that my problems are trauma based,...

    We know now that my problems are trauma based, not LoA theory based.
    My problem is not lack of LoA knowledge or practice but active trauma.

    Wanting more money and a new house are challenging...
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    Okay feeling bad again. This is frequent. I...

    Okay feeling bad again. This is frequent.
    I want to know what is causing me to feel bad right now. I dont care if it is consistent with my previous answer or not.

    What is causing me to feel...
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    So I went back again to that book and found his...

    So I went back again to that book and found his advice to people who seek to awaken. His advice was simply mindfulness.

    When I read that, I realised this book I once regarded as holding deep...
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    What if i go looking for good feelings instead of...

    What if i go looking for good feelings instead of bad ones?
    I am reviewing and criticising the first spiritual book I ever read. I am seeing it in light of the wisdom I have gained.
    The writer...
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    Okay I am remembering when one of the older...

    Okay I am remembering when one of the older people in my kung fu group gave me an old framed document from the previous master and I was going to give him a thank you card and a bottle of wine. But...
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    I dont understand why I feel bad right now. It...

    I dont understand why I feel bad right now.
    It has to be because of a practiced vibration, a thought.

    What if I connect this feeling to my ego? Then I feel cold and hurt with a lump in my...
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    Call it Severity. It feels bad and therefore...

    Call it Severity.

    It feels bad and therefore I try to overcome or change or solve it.
    I dont want severity anymore. What do I want? Love and warmth and ease and happiness.

    The severity is...
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    Soooo why am i feeling bad. Is it a feeling...

    Soooo why am i feeling bad.

    Is it a feeling or a physical sensation.
    It is a rising feeling in my lower chest that I am trying to keep down.

    Subdue.

    I am tired of feeling like this.
    ...
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    Evening was bad. It was miserable and sad and...

    Evening was bad. It was miserable and sad and awful. Nothing good happened after 5pm

    But I create my reality. All things are possible. I create my reality. All things are possible. Anything can...
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    How do i feel better right now? Dinner is...

    How do i feel better right now?
    Dinner is cooking. Family is home. There is nothing else to do or to focus on.
    I feel a bit trapped. I feel a bit stuck.
    I dont feel the possibilities.

    So...
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    It is the same with my martial art. I feel...

    It is the same with my martial art. I feel hopeless and depressed because I think I am not smart enough or athletic enough or strong enough or talented enough or coordinated enough. I think there is...
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    Sometimes I stress out when my kids scream and...

    Sometimes I stress out when my kids scream and cry at me. I feel distressed as if they are adults screaming and shouting at me, and I am the child. I feel angry and resentful and scared and hurt. ...
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