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Thread: About Controlling Others

  1. #1
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    About Controlling Others

    Abe Talk with a woman who wants more control over her son and his behaviour:
    Key: anything in [brackets] is my own addition or corrections for added clarity, and (...) means some other things were said between one paragraph and another that I didn't write down.

    "If you could give up any desire or need to control the behaviour of any other
    ,
    first of all, a feeling of freedom and well-being would begin to move into your experience on a more regular basis.

    Another really important thing would happen and that is their response to [you] would change. (...)

    [Giving up any desire or need to control the behaviour of others means]
    emotionally letting him do what he wants. [Rather than] having an emotional response to each and every thing that he does. (...)

    - - -

    What you want to do is find the opinion that your IB has about this boy. You want to know what your IB feels about it.

    You think that your conflict is because of what he's doing - that's not even close to what your conflict is. Your conflict is because you have an opinion about your son based upon what you're observing; [an opinion] that your IB does not have about him, based upon what your IB is observing. And what's so freakishly interesting about this is this is the same kid. Just different perspectives from diferent points of knowing; different points of expectation, you see.

    [So in the journey of letting go of the need to control him, we would say:]

    "I'm not gonna think about it now,
    I'm not going to try to prepave what I'm going to say
    or how i'm going to say it,
    I'm not going to try to prepave his response to it.
    I'm not going to try to get in his life;
    i'm not going to try and control him.
    I'm just going to keep practising in my mind the things that that i know about him that make me feel good.
    I know he's smart. I know he is loving. I know he really wants to feel good.
    I know he has the power of focus and I know that he's aware of me,
    and that's it.

    It's my intention to feel good. It's my intenetion to feel good.
    I'm gonna stay off the subjects that dont feel good.

    And I'm gonna get off his case.
    I'm gonna get off his back.
    I'm gonna get out of his face,
    i'm gonna get out of his business.

    I'm gonna focus on MY business.
    I'm going to stop using his business as my excuse not to do MY business.
    Because while I'm focused upon HIS business and using it as my excuse not to do MY business , now *I'm* all screwed up and i'm holding HIM responsible for it in some way , and as i'm holding him responsible for it and he sees me, that just makes him more resistant, because he doesnt want to feel responsible for whats going on with me or anyone else.


    Source: "Abraham Hicks - When You Stop Trying to Control Others"
    Last edited by spiritualcookie; 12-05-2016 at 12:38 AM.

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    Esther was thinking the other day about the anology of the radio signals lining up.
    and she was thinking about a situation where things are not quite as she wants them to be.

    She had this actual vision of her being like a radio with a dial ,
    and another person being like a radio with a dial ,
    and she's got her hand on the other person's knob!

    "If I could just change you in this way, and in this way and in this way.."
    And then she laughed right out loud
    because she knows
    she's just got to have her hand on her own knob,
    and anything less than that just doesn't work.

    You can't be direct enough with another person to get them to be the way that you want them to be.
    You can't be subtle enough with them,
    you can't be passive aggressive enough with them
    you can't dictate the rules to them enough
    you can't do anything..

    When you've got your eye on someone who is doing something
    and its not pleasing you
    and you decide that you will effect the change in them,
    that's the grid you're on
    [ie that "unwantedness" is your point of focus]
    and they will become experts on giving you what you do not want.



    Source: "Abraham Hicks- When trying to control others"
    Extracted from the Abraham Hicks workshop : Atlanta - 2013.05.11

    Key: anything in [brackets] is my own addition for added clarity,
    Last edited by spiritualcookie; 12-05-2016 at 12:37 AM.

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    Abraham Hicks ~ The Power of Influence vs Control ("The Power to Influence Others"
    An Extract from the book "The Vortex"

    Do we have power to influence others rather than control them?

    Jerry:
    I'd like to talk to you more about the power of influence or the power of control we have over one another in our relationships. How much power over others do we actually have? And how can we avoid being influenced away from something we want by another who thinks we should want somethin different ?

    Abraham:
    It is good that you see there's a distinction between control and influence. And we would like to take your understanding further still.

    When someone seeks control over another person or a situation, they never achieve it because in the attitude of control there's such a big component of knowing what you do not want, that your vibration and point of attraction are working in opposition to your actual desire. (...)

    Also there is little distinction between seeking control over a situation and wanting to influence a situation to be something different than it is, other than the extent you are willing to go to achieve it.
    IOW, in the seeking of influence you may try to use words to try to persuade or even use threats of action to coerce, where in an actual attitude of control you may offer stronger words or even take specific action to affect the behaviour of another.

    But there's an even more important distinction that we want to make here than the one between influence and control,
    and that is the distinction between
    - trying to get to where you want to be from your awareness of what you do not want, as compared to
    - getting to where you want to be from your awareness of what you DO want.

    The first is more about trying to motivate another to a different behaviour;
    The latter is more about inspiring another to a different behaviour.

    In your effort at motivation, because you're focused upon what you do not want, you do not have the benefit or help of your true power.
    But when you're focused completely upon what you DO want, thereby releasing all resistance or opposition to your own desire, you are engaging the energy that creates worlds and your power of influence is mighty.

    In your connection to, and your allowance of, your true power, your influence to bring others into their own power is great.

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    You can't control the current of the world.

    Esther said: "Abraham are we just supposed to go with the flow of what everyone else wants?"

    And we say: "No, that's not our message. Our message is decide what your flow is and go with that. But don't try to buck the current of those who are choosing a different flow."

    And if you just go with the flow and find what feels good to you,
    your alignment will carry you to where you want to be.
    Just don't need anybody else to do anything different.
    Because they've got different perspectives.
    They've got different paths.
    It's not their responsibility to please you.
    It's only your responsibility to clean up your split energy.
    And that is so - darn - do-able.

    (...)


    Don't continue to beat the drum
    [of those things you can't control].
    And don't continue to try to elicit agreement from anywhere.
    Just know what you know,
    and let it go.
    Let those things you can't control, go,
    while you garner alignment which you CAN control, which gives you ultimate control over everything that matters to you.


    Source: Abraham Hicks 2015 - Let anything that you can't control go

  5. #5
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    Fantastic collection.

    This quotes might be interesting, as well:
    You CAN control everything, because you have total control over your choices.

    What others think they want, is not relevant!
    What you want, is.



    There is no distiction you´r doing solely, or singularly,
    and the things that you do, that include another person!

    Because your power of influence is SO significant,
    when you tune to the vibration of who you are.
    We´r just gonna say this words really bunt:
    What they want, or what they think they want,
    HAS NO RELEVANCE to the relationship,
    that you want with them.

    (audience silent) We thought, we´d hear a stronger gasp! (laughter).
    What they think they want, is not relevant!
    What you want, is.


    But where it goes wrong for you, is that you include
    what you think they think in your vibration- and then,
    YOU are not in alignment with it, either.

    2015-07-26 San Francisco

  6. #6
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    We want you to control the condition!



    We want you to control the condition!
    We want you to find an unconditional way of feeling good
    and find a way to maintain it,
    for no good reason
    other
    than it feels good to do it!


    And then we want you to step in the conditions

    and watch the way they MORPH
    to support the new vibrational stance
    that you have accomplished!

    YOU'VE GOT TO LEARN TO BE UNCONDITIONAL!
    Otherwise you just walking around
    waiting for a condition to thrill you
    and some of them do and some of them don't, you see.
    We want you to be happy in all conditions.

    We want you to be like the masters that you revere.
    Who are in vibrational alignment with Source.
    And taking and receiving and giving value and pleasure
    in every moment of their experience!
    That's who You Are!
    And nothing else will do for you!

    South-Pacific-Cruise, 2015




    "You said, "all this uncontrollable things..."
    well, they ARE uncontrollable, and they aren´t any of your business,
    but you don´t feel bad,
    because there are things, that you can´t control!

    You feel bad, because there are CONTROLLABLE things
    that you are NOT controlling!

    And that´s a world of difference.
    You are letting YOUR OWN versions and visions
    be influenced!"


    from the clip
    Abraham-Hicks: Happily Observing Unhappiness?

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    Abe on why it's possible to create your own reality even when it involves others who would need to conform to your vortex version of things:


    When you, and you alone...
    (no-one else has to join you in it because it is your creation)
    When you predominantly mesh with your vortex version,
    the reality has to follow suit.

    Now it feels tricky because
    it seems like
    all of those other people have a say.
    No they don't.

    Because in your version,
    as you align with it,
    one who is connected to the stream is more powerful
    than millions who are not.

    So if you can stay true to your vortex version,
    that's what charisma is;
    that's what leadership is;
    and that's what attractiveness is.
    But even more, that's what creation is.


    You can set the tone
    by your determination to be a vibrational match
    to your [vortex] version [of reality].
    And everyone who is a part of it has to comply
    because your version dominates.
    So those who don't comply;
    those who aren't cooperative components wth your version,
    have to go be somewhere else.

    (...)


    The thing that's a little hard for physical beings to hear
    is that
    [when you're creating a reality that involves other people]
    it feels like you're creating in all of their reality
    and we say: "You're not!"
    Because they've all created their own version of things too.
    You're only the creator of YOUR reality.
    But boy is it a big huge reality.


    key: Things in [brackets] are my addition for extra clarity and context.


    Source: Abraham Hicks ~ You, the leader, pulls the groups energy

    Last edited by spiritualcookie; 12-06-2016 at 02:50 AM.

  8. #8
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    A belief that the behavior of others must be controlled—
    so that your observation of that good behavior will make you feel good—
    leaves you feeling vulnerable to their behavior.

    We would like to help you to understand that neither
    the good feeling you find when you observe wanted behavior,
    nor the bad feeling you find when you observe unwanted behavior,
    is actually the reason that you feel good or bad.

    The way you feel is only ever about your alignment,
    or misalignment,
    with the Source within you.


    It is only your relationship with the Source within you
    (with your own Inner Being) that is the reason for the emotions
    that you feel.


    While it is nice to find things in your physical environment
    that enhance your good-feeling alignment with your Inner Being,
    your understanding of why you feel good will make it possible for you
    to feel good regardless of the behavior of others.


    Understanding that the way you feel is really about your
    Vibrational relationship with your Inner Being
    with the Source within you,
    with the expanded version of you who resides inside your Vortex—
    gives you complete empowerment and absolute freedom.


    ---Abraham
    Excerpted from: Getting into the Vortex Guided Meditation CD and User Guide on November 01, 2010

  9. #9
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    If it doesn’t feel good,
    it doesn’t have anything to do with you.


    From inner beings perspective, if it doesn’t feel good,
    it doesn’t have anything to do with you.

    Because whatever you are giving your attention to
    is vibrating, and as you give your attention to it,
    in this inclusion based universe, you include it in your vibration.

    And so you can choose something that causes you to reverberate
    with such fantastic harmony with your source
    that your heart is singing all the time,
    or you can choose something to focus upon
    that is gut wrenching or unsettling.
    You do have those choices.

    And when you realize you have the choice of choosing,
    moment by moment, the more you notice that you have the choice
    and the more you deliberately exercise that choice,
    and choose those things that feel good,
    and therefore connect with the whole of who you are,

    then the less inclined you are to try to control the conditions around you.
    And that’s a happy day for you.
    Because when you discover that it is not your work
    to control the conditions around you, you are finally free!


    -Abe 12/15/01

  10. #10
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    You all try to control your experiences-
    instead to ALLOW them.


    Abe

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