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Thread: I have swagger everywhere

  1. #1

    I have swagger everywhere

    I have struggled with negative thoughts on myself for a while now - especially when I feel someone is bragging or I when i notice someone has done something that i consider is `better` then what I have done. This is because I love it when I feel great about myself - and during these moments it feels like that `im amazing` belief is being massively contradicted. This is made much worse when I complain about it to the peanut gallery - and they mock me for it - `your ego cant take it` as if i should stop reaching for this amazing `full of myself` feeling that feels so amazing to me - and feel `sh**ty` about myself - like they want me to.

    Anyway, after stressing with my old and boring and annoying feelings of shame/vulnerability at night - a thought popped into my head that brought me a bit of relief. It felt like a game - the `i have swagger everywhere` game. The issue I currently have is that I only focus on the huge accomplishments - and if someone else does something that I consider much much better - then im completely devastated - and those `ha ha ha - your ego cant take it` - shame feelings appear again. But If I add up all the `kinda cool` things that I have done - there are loads of them. So instead of finding power like King Kong - in one massive punch - I find power like a group of termites.

    So - im pretty confident on the topic of money - so this topic holds little resistance for me - so I played the game - i have money everywhere.

    - I only earn X amount of money a year - but john earns double the amount (feel bad)
    - I own a record collection - thats worth X amount of money (feel better)
    - When my parents pass away - they will leave the house to me & money in their will (bit of a negative topic - but you get the point)
    - If i look down the side of the sofa im sure there will be some money there also
    - I can also sell the sofa - so i have money in that as well
    - I have been putting money into a pension every month for years - that money will come back to me at some point
    - I paid a deposit when i moved into my flat - that money is coming back to me when I leave the flat.

    So essentially Im purposefully looking for my money in areas that I would never really think its there - I plan to do this on topics of confidence and other topics. But it has provided a cheeky smile on my face - which makes a change - so just wanted to share. Any thoughts feedback on this?

  2. #2
    Beloved Woman paradise-on-earth's Avatar
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    Small steady steps are the "secret" to all successes!

    Also, you might want to read through this quotes. They are VERY enlightening, as our society trains us into a whole lot of shame about being proud and selfish, and most are mixed up about that and get low self-esteem. The whole concept of the "bad Ego" is flawed.

    Abe´s take on "Materialism" and "Ego"

    -Maybe understanding this, -trough the quotes- more, helps to feel even more steady?

    The thing is that whatever feels as relief to you, or puts an authentic (!!) cheeky smile on your face, IS a good step into the right direction. You know what to do! Because, you FEEL what feels better or worse.

  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by syntax View Post
    and if someone else does something that I consider much much better - then im completely devastated
    This made me think of this quote:

    “There is a time in every man's education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance; that imitation is suicide; that he must take himself for better, for worse, as his portion; that though the wide universe is full of good, no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but through his toil bestowed on that plot of ground which is given to him to till. The power which resides in him is new in nature, and none but he knows what that is which he can do, nor does he know until he has tried.”
    ― Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self Reliance
    What always moves me in this quotes is: "that envy is ignorance; that imitation is suicide"

    We so often measure our outer-and-inner selves (everything we can see of us) against the only-outer selves of others (all that we can see of them).

  4. #4
    songbird's Avatar
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    I always used to compare myself with my younger sister, and I realise that this pattern of thought began during our childhood. And got bigger over time, until I found Abraham and became aware of my negative emotions and the thoughts behind them.

    What helped me, was hearing abe say over and over- that the only person we need to compare ourselves with is our inner being perspective...the only thing we compare anything with is what our inner being thinks about it.. Then you stop the outer comparison pattern, and the habit of coming up short when you do that.. Which is why you feel negative when you do it, because your source being NEVER does compare you with another.

    Really and truly it is a mental habit of pattern of lack.

    I would recommend teaching yourself this and reminding yourself about only comparing yourself with YOU, with who you really are at source.

    Maybe you can search YT for ' comparing ' videos.

    I no longer compare myself with others.
    I know that my emotions are only about the comparitive perspectives between me and ME.

  5. #5
    songbird's Avatar
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    The resistance you feel is in comparing yourself with something other than YOU.

    The only lack, is lack of alignment with our broader, eternal source perspective.

    Who you ARE is worthiness and value.
    And your "coming up short" in yr mental comparisons is truly what your resistance is about.
    Source only sees your value.
    Only love and appreciation are ever justified, in truth.

    The reason you love it when you feel great about yourself is because that is how source feels.

    The reason you feel bad when you compare yourself and feel less, is because THAT thought seperated you from the perspective of your inner source being.

    How you FEEL is only about that vibrational gap between you and YOU.

  6. #6
    How did you stop your habit of comparison?

    Lets say you see someone doing something that you love & means the world to you & you come to the conclusion that they are 'better' then you - and you could never reach the height they have - and everyone around is stating the same thing - how do you deal with that 'evidence' and feeling of shame/inadequacy/discomfort.

    I feel like the only possible solution is to think that im fkkking awesome as well - but then you get met with the peanut gallery saying you are delusional - and just to be more humble and accept the other as better. I see this all the time on the internet & on youtube comments etc - it makes it more difficult to find better feeling thoughts.

    It makes me think of what gally says in the link above

    ts the focus which has gone wrong. I just had a experience like this a few months ago, and it was suggested to me (very nicely and tenderly) that I might be being a little egotistical. And then I really reached and grasped to see if I could find something of sense or value in that perspective. And I couldn't, because if you are GOD, then how can your ego be too big? Its almost like the person was saying, don't be yourself, don't want what you know is yours to have.

    My problem was not that my ego was too big. My problem was that when I was HURTING, this was an indication that I was stopping short of seeing what I wanted! It was an indication that what I was focusing on- was NOT- the end of the story. (I'm not suggesting ended-ness, I am suggesting not taking the bounce is painful)

    Expanding my consciousness, or shrinking it, is as a result of my focus. I think everyone has had the sensation of knowing this abe stuff, then getting involved in a wavelength where you literally forget it. An expanded consciousness, or being conscious of less, is more a result of focus than ego. Sure your ego is larger as you allow your focus to widen, and you allow yourself to be and have more. And the trauma of not being God, after you've been God forever hurts tremendously. But this is not because your ego is too large, this is because you are focusing on something your Inner Being will not validate...

  7. #7
    I think what makes it worse - is that those who i feel inadequate around - are also the ones who purposefully rub my weak spots in my face - like a group of skinny girls all making fun of the larger ones. So the ability to learn to not feel this way would feel like the ultimate revenge / way of standing up to others.

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