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Thread: Pingan’s practice

  1. #1321
    Nothing unknown can ever come to me because LoA brings me what is a match for my vibration.

    I’ve been scared of the unknown and terrified of moving forward in life; but I create my reality.

    This fear may well predate my experience of family trauma. To shift this would be wonderful!

    I am afraid of moving forward in life because I feel very small, powerless, insignificant and confused in the outside world. At home I wasn’t happy but put there I felt unsafe.

    And this may simply be that I as a young child I felt disoriented by all the energy, and then I thought something bad could happen to me. As the third child I was also somewhat neglected. I was told it was up to me to stay close so I don’t get left behind or lost.

    Stay with your sisters....

    So as a child I had the belief that it wasn’t safe to wander off. It wasn’t safe to go anywhere on my own. And there were times when I felt lost and didn’t know where to go and that was scary for me.

    Imagine if it wasn’t scary. Imagine if I could trust the world. Imagine if I felt sure, believed, that everything was safe and happy for me no matter where I am or where I go. Imagine if I could wander without purpose or direction and see only good things and nice people and have fun and adventure.

    Imagine if I could have a direction and all the points on the map arrive and be drawn to me with perfect timing and ease. Imagine trusting even while at home that the future paths to all things I desire are drawn to me along with the things themselves.

    Imagine trusting that whether I had a purpose or not, every step along my path would arise just as I needed it. I would always find my way home easily. I would always find I what I wanted because it was drawn to me at the same time that I am drawn to it.

    Imagine if instead of disoriented and confused I was enjoying the diverse energy flowing all around me.

    Imagine every single moment being a cooperative component attracted and allowed by me....

    Imagine feeling satisfaction instead of fear.

  2. #1322
    Now it is making sense!!!!

    On the outside: fear of a world too big and confusing for me to handle
    Later on the inside: fear of being myself and incurring negative reactions from ppl

    So i hid from the world first because it was scary and then hid myself from the world because I felt defective.

    And the two are par. I may have even internalised my sense of being defective over time as I saw others not being afraid of the world that scared me.

    My earliest sense of something wrong with me may have been that I was scared of things that didn’t scare others. Compounded by my father turning on me, but yes there was something prior.

    I’ve been scared of the world and blaming myself for being scared and then afraid to show myself to others in case they too see that I am scared of the world.

    Scaredy-cat over time evolved into loser evolved into something wrong with me evolved into anxiety disorders and complex trauma etc etc.

    Wow I’ve been creating a world that reflects my fear of the world plus my self disdain for being afraid.

  3. #1323
    I want to go to Chinatown and buy ingredients for dinner. But I part of me feels bad and doesn’t want to. Normally I’d either force myself to do it or choose an easier option.

    But now I can see I’m actually scared of going in. I’m very scared of going.

    Why? I can imagine getting in my car. Driving. Finding a park. Walking in. Going to the shop. Choosing what I want. Paying for it. Going home.

    The scary bit is encountering other people. Because right now I feel like I just don’t have what it takes. I feel like I can’t bear their scrutiny.

    If there were no people at all who I might encounter then I would probably be less scared. If there weren’t even people on the streets I wouldn’t be scared at all.

    It’s about people. I’m scared of encountering people. If I go now I feel scared, if I don’t go I feel defeated.

    I’m afraid of being hated. I’m weary of putting up a front. I’m scared of being judged and I feel so raw from it.

    I preempt being judged and I feel like I have to control that by controlling what I present to people.

    I’m anticipating being judged negatively by people I meet. I’m scared of going shopping because I’m expecting to be judged and my response is to shut myself down and that makes me weary and tired and then I have to force myself to make the effort.

    I’ve negatively prepaved without realising.

    I expect others to judge me negatively. I expect them to look at me and immediately dislike me. If they don’t dislike me, I try to maintain a front. If they are really friendly I’m wary that they will see through my front.

    So part of me wants to go to Chinatown but I just can’t bear the thought of so many people potentially judging me. How do I deal with this?

    Abe’s answer is that I attract judgement or fear of judgement because that’s what I’m a match to. I vibrate fear and so I attract possible threats.

    But why is judgement a threat? Because it feels bad —— no, what feels bad are my thoughts about being judged or other people’s opinions.

    I think other people have the power to make me feel bad by forming a negative opinion of me.....because that confirms my belief that there is something wrong with me, that I am somehow visibly discernibly displeasing as a person.

    Why do I think this? Can I change this? What could I think instead? Well pivoting is that I am pleasing to others and uplifting of others, not by trying but just by being.

    I rendezvous with people who are themselves uplifters and positive people. I rendezvous with people who are a match to my uplifting influence.

    I am pleasing. My whole being is pleasing and uplifting to myself and others.

    Ah yeah: myself too. How I feel about myself is influenced by successes and failures. Feeling helpless and dependent on others hurts my self-esteem. When those others turned on me I felt even worse about myself —- unable to help myself and unable to procure willing help.

    Self-esteem linked to my self-efficacy.
    But it’s my reaction to what is, rather than getting out ahead of it.

    I’m not helpless, I’m powerful. I’m powerful. I have powerful focus. I am the leading edge of nonphysical. I take in contrast and produce desires and Source answers my desires. I expand and Source expands with me.

    I choose where to focus and my focus determines what LoA brings to me in vibration and hence what I translate into thoughts, feelings and physical reality.

  4. #1324
    Is there a rationale for feeling bad being a distraction that I’m unconsciously choosing?

    I started last night with being “stuck” as preferential to being disoriented and lost.

    What about feeling bad? Since I keep coming back to it...what am I getting out of It? What would I lose if I felt good instead of bad?

    Well I couldn’t take the role of victim and oppressed. Being a victim is better than being a perpetrator. Better to suffer than be hated.

    So I’ve chosen to be a victim and try to compensate for it. Since that was the alternative to being a perpetrator and just not caring about others.

    There’s power in being a victim but it means I need to have a constant supply of grievances.

    I have the power to feel good right now, but I still expected to face opposition, and then choose between victim or perpetrator.

    But I don’t have to choose either if I get out ahead of it.

    I don’t have to be a victim and I don’t have to hurt other people. I can create a reality where I get what I want without hurting others.

    How do I create it? By believing it.

    I can create. I have already created a reality where I get what I want without hurting others!!!

    I have created a reality where I get exactly what I want without hurting others!!!

    And that means also without opposition and without resistance!!!!

    I have created a reality where I get what I want without opposition and without resistance and without anyone disadvantaged.

    I have created a reality where I get what I want without opposition resistance or hurting anyone.

    I have created a reality just for me where I get everything I desire without opposition.

  5. #1325
    Victimhood is why I’ve kept steering into resistance and negative emotion.

    I don’t need to. Don’t want to be a victim anymore. Don’t need that weak moral high ground.

    Don’t need to embrace negative emotion anymore. Yuck.

    What new horizons are out there for me, in here for me?

  6. #1326
    I’ve been doing some work on the meaning of money and one thing to come from it is that we desire money partly because we desire the things money can buy, but also partly because money represents the potential to buy many things. So being rich entails both: having the things you want (buying them immediately) and also having the potential to buy an abundance of anything without limits into the future.

    Fleshing this out is really helpful because “money” doesn’t really express the full range of desire.

    I want to buy the things I already desire right now like a house, land, and all the furniture and decor and fittings and materials and hobby materials that will go in it.

    And I anticipate that I would enjoy exploring the possibilities beyond the things I currently desire once those desires are fulfilled.

    But I also want to have the freedom and ease and confidence and security and self-acceptance that I believe would come if I had a practically unlimited supply of money. And this is where I am sometimes confused because “money” conflates two different but related things. It’s like saying I want delicious food for dinner and also I want to never fear going hungry again, and lumping both under the subject of “food”.

  7. #1327
    I’ve avoided thinking about houses because of reasons that now seem silly. Well, no. My remaining reasons are silly but I’ve let go of other resistance in the meantime.

    I want a new house. But I was afraid of focusing on it because I couldn’t imagine how I could get one. So I focused more on money instead.

    But now money is really two subjects: the things I would buy with money right away, and the feelings and experiences I’d have if I had lots of unspent money.

    So for the things I would buy right away, it’s better to forget about money and focus on those things.

    And besides, there is resistance implicit in avoiding the topic of a house but wanting to have enough money to buy one. When I don’t have the money I don’t feel worthy of a nice house. And then I’m afraid LoA will bring me some kind of burdensome solution. Like accepting help from difficult people. Or having one swallow my pride and go live in some far away suburb. Or in a crummy home that is technically bigger but also awful in new and disappointing ways.

    In other words a kind of net vibrational value. So if I have a nice place that is too small I can’t get a nice place bigger unless I sacrifice something else.

    **** that. Let’s start for real.

    I want a bigger home. I want a bigger house with enough space for my family of five and our belongings.

    That would be good for us. It isn’t good to be crammed into such a small space. It is good to expand. It is good to have living space. It is good to have space to live in. It is good to have a home with lots of space.

    That’s it. That’s the basic condition. Other things I want aren’t clear to me entirely.

    I want it to be easily affordable, laughably easy for us to have. I want it to be easy to obtain. I want it to be easily obtainable without any difficulty. I want our new house to be spacious and easily obtainable by us and obviously a match to us, and a pleasing match in many ways that we discover one after the other.

    I want it to surprise us with its goodness.
    I want it to be light and clean and pleasant and a nice space to be in.

    It can come from anywhere. It can come at any time. It will be easy to obtain and afford. It will be easy to find. It will find us. It will be easy to move to. It will be easy to enjoy.

    This home will be beautiful.

    —- wow, I’m resistant to asking too much. How ironic. I’ve been trying to allow a lottery jackpot, but I’m actually resistant to allowing a house that is beautiful, because how can we possibly deserve it?

    I’m used to being told “be happy with what you’ve got” which really meant “don’t complain or I’ll take away what little you have”.

    How can we possibly deserve a beautiful spacious new home? The housing market is so expensive and we don’t have anywhere near the money to buy it or the income to get a mortgage.

    How can we possibly deserve it? I can imagine someone giving us some horribly blighted home to live in at low rent for a short period. But I can’t imagine finding anything better and deserving it.

    I feel like I don’t deserve a beautiful spacious home....because I think deserve means pleasing people, and I can’t imagine pleasing people that much.

    I don’t deserve a beautiful spacious new home. I can’t imagine receiving it. But I know about LoA now. So tell me, which is more powerful: LoA or market forces?

    Okay I have to start by admitting I’m not an expert in he housing market. I don’t really know everything that goes on. In fact I haven’t paid attention to it for years. I don’t know the possibilities and the options and the things that happen. And there are things happening outside the market too. So it’s not true that obtaining a house has to be via the market, and it’s not true that the market is homogenous and strict and unyielding.

    What scares me though is that people desire value. And I can’t imagine how I could provide the kind of value that others would want in exchange for property, or in exchange for the money that I’d need to buy property.

    So I guess the big question is: do I need to provide value in exchange for value?

    Isn’t this saying that the market creates my reality? Isn’t that a bit suspicious? That the market in my reality rules in a way that matches my lifelong sense of not having enough value in myself?

    Isn’t it just a continued manifestation of feeling like a victim? Disoriented and powerless?

    Aren’t I tired of playing the powerless victim?

    Is there any power that I do have?

    Isn’t there a power I’ve been learning about and trying to apply?

    Isn’t it time to accept that I have created powerlessness myself? I create powerlessness and my sense of lacking value to exchange for value is just a reflection of this.

    Can LoA give me value to exchange for value? Yes. It can also obviate the need for exchange, because exchange is not the fundamental law of reality, attraction is.

    I wanted value in myself so I could exchange. But I can’t attract value from a place of no value. And if I can attract value, I don’t even need to care about exchange. Preoccupation with exchange was just emphasising my feeling of no value.

    Do I have value? The only value that counts is value to myself. And I am part of myself that is immersed in a world of variety to allow sifting and sorting and expansion.

    That is my value. Beyond that, I am pure positive energy. I don’t “need” any value.

    I’ve been playing victim out of fear of real life and conflict and consequences. But LoA guarantees control over the vibrational quality of what I receive in life.

    I am pure positive energy and I don’t need anything. In my human focus I have desired many things and Source has answered and they are available to me if I accept them.

    I desire a beautiful big house with lots of land and lots of space for me and my family to expand. It is easily obtainable because LoA attracts the components. It is unmissable because LoA assemblés it. It is affordable because it comes not from the market but from Source. If money is a component it will be attracted. If ideas are a component they will be attracted. If guidance is a component it will be attracted. I don’t need to do anything because the guidance the ideas the energy the money the opportunity the certainty and the joy will all be provided to me.

    Everything I need for this experience to unfold will be provided to me. If I have doubts, the clarity will be provided. Everything will be provided. Everything will be provided. Even the thoughts and feelings will be provided. Even the impulses. Even the knowing that these are impulses. Every atom. Every subatomic particle. Every neural connection. Every vibration is provided.

  8. #1328
    I found $2 on the ground today!
    Money for nothing!
    I’m rich!

    Seriously though: I attracted value without exchanging value.

    I’m attracting value without exchanging value. Freedom. Ease. Unlimited resources.

  9. #1329
    My new house is a reality.
    All the thoughts and ideas and feelings and components are coming together with ease, without effort without resistance.

    Wanting the money first was creating resistance. Like saying: give me the value i lack so I can exchange it for this thing I don’t deserve and can’t attract.

    But I can attract a house and I can attract money. They are two separate subjects for me.

    My house is getting ready. My house is coming together with all cooperative components.

    And that includes all my thoughts my feelings my ideas my impulses my designs my happenstance my fortune and my every granular moment.

  10. #1330
    My new house is coming.
    All the cooperative components are coming.
    If I need guidance I’ll be guided. If I need ideas I’ll receive ideas. If I need money I’ll receive money. If I need thoughts or actions I’ll receive thoughts or actions. It’s all received and it’s all done for me.

    I can believe I’m attracting my new house.
    I can feel the vibration of it.
    It’s so easy now I’m no longer confused about money.
    It’s so easy to just appreciate that my new house is coming.

    How I met my partner, how I found my first job, how I found my first car...they all felt like this. I could feel them coming. I was at ease. I felt them coming. I can feel them coming.

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