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Thread: Pingan’s practice

  1. #1821
    So the things in my vortex include a satisfying relationship with my best friend, a wonderful family life, a healthy beautiful body, great enjoyment of my martial art, a wonderful and satisfying home, and an abundance of wealth.
    But above all is my mastery of the laws of the universe and my unconditional alignment or enlightenment.

    When I am in alignment my thoughts are different because I attract different thoughts. My impulses are different because I attract different impulses. My manifestations are different because I attract different manifestations.

    As I practice and appreciate enlightenment my experience of it grows deeper and more sure. I am a great spiritual teacher. I know it in the core of my being. But I also don’t need to teach anyone, because they don’t need to be taught.

    I am savouring the taste and fragrance of my enlightenment. And though I can feel myself wavering and focusing on old momentum, it’s okay. Because this is a skill I practice and hone until I am a master of it. There will be no end to everything I have to say. There will be no end to my practice.

  2. #1822
    When my best friend reads my messages and doesn’t reply, I start to worry that she’s angry with me, or feeling bad, and I have an impulse to test the waters and find out how she’s feeling, or try to reassure her and make her feel better.

    But with my father today I had an altercation where I stood up to him. He had given my son food with nuts in it a few days ago, despite knowing my son is allergic to nuts.

    Knowing I was going to face dad and this issue was active, just before he turned up it came to me that I am not responsible for him feeling bad; it isn’t bad for him to feel bad; it’s just his own guidance and his own resistance and not my problem.

    I love my best friend and I don’t want her to feel bad. But it’s also not my problem for me to fix. All I can ever do is work on my own alignment. My bad feelings, my best friends bad feelings, they are the same: guidance and Source energy. As I relax and breathe into my guidance, I come closer to where my inner being is and I am aligned.

    My best friend is wise, my best friend is working out her own contrast and desires. It’s none of my business and not my place to encourage her to depend on me or try to be an external condition of alignment for her.

    And everything I do and think and feel is so much more beautiful and powerful when I am in alignment. There is literally nothing more helpful than for me to keep finding my alignment. And within alignment I can appreciate my best friend as much as I like.

  3. #1823
    My friend still hasn’t replied or listened to my messages but has received them and is online.

    I’m noticing this, and my noticing has momentum. I feel bad and that means my inner being is calling me.

    It’s okay for me to feel bad about this situation. It’s only temporary. My bad feeling is my inner being calling me. Do I want to go to where it is? Yes. How do I go there? I don’t know. Just feel what I’m feeling and don’t push against it, because how I’m feeling IS where my inner being is.

    How I’m feeling is where my inner being is.

    “She probably hates you. She’s probably sick of you. You’re so annoying. She must just hate the thought of you. She hates your guts.” These are the thoughts I’ve been blocking out. I’ve blocked them out. But they are still there.

    “You’re disgusting. You’re over the top. You’re too much. I’m sick of you. What the hell is wrong with you”

    I have thoughts like these that I was blocking out, but I still felt bad. I learned to block them out just like I learned to freeze out my dad’s attacks and insults and others too.

    So my inner being was actually guiding me to these thoughts that I’m calibrating to. An onslaught of negative thoughts about myself. I’ve blocked them or ignored them but they are still active.

  4. #1824
    “She doesn’t care about you. She probably hates you. I can imagine her just ignoring you with contempt. She has much more fun people to interact with. She has people she really wants to be with and you are just a nuisance and an occasional distraction.”

    Is this what I want to think? No. Does it feel good? No. Is it true? No. It’s just doubts running riot. And because you have blocked them out or tried not to hear them you have also given them free reign.

    But now you are aware of them and aware that they matter.

    I have many more positive thoughts than negative thoughts about my best friend. My best friend actually does love me. My best friend actually does care about me. My best friend is proud of me and unashamed to be my best friend. My best friend never ignores me; but no one could buck the current of this resistance I’ve been vibrating. My best friend wants to be with me and spend time with me and share the journey with me. My best friend is great. I love my best friend.

    I love this. My critical voices that I’d tried to block out are just paper tigers. I don’t have to listen to every word, but as I stop blocking them out I can actively replace them with all the really good thoughts I’ve been practicing and identifying.

    “You’ll never do that. You can’t do that. You’ll never amount to anything. You’ll just end up failing again. I hate you so much. You’re ****ing useless. Don’t expect me to help you. Don’t expect anyone to come to your rescue. You’re scum.”

    Do I want to think this? No. Is it true? No. Does it feel good? No. I prefer to feel good. I prefer to love myself. I prefer to think good thoughts about myself. I prefer to love myself. I am doing really well. I am actually doing really well. I love myself. I love who I am and I love who I am becoming. I am proud of all that I have accomplished and allowed. I am doing amazingly well, and there is so much more on its way.

  5. #1825
    I’ve done really well today. I’m pleased and impressed with how well I’ve done.

    My friend finally replied to me, and I did that.

    And now I’m noticing my own pressure to do something. Like it’s up to me to make something happen and reach out. But I don’t want to. I’m experiencing old thoughts that are saying “if you do this then everything will improve. If you don’t do anything then it’s meaningless” but I don’t agree. I think that this is a small sign of my improvement. It’s a small sign of my progress in letting go of resistance. And I appreciate it.

  6. #1826
    My friend replied to me again and we had a lengthy conversation. I felt much more normal and not hyped up.

    I still have things to clean up but I’m seeing the results of my work: “I did this”.

    I feel better. It’s really cool. It’s like the highs and lows have evened out. Now I can improve more steadily and deliberately.

  7. #1827
    I really care about my best friend a lot and I know we both want a more satisfying relationship.

    I’m so glad we got to talk today. I did that. Tomorrow I will find alignment more and enjoy it more.

  8. #1828
    It’s morning and I’m feeling very normal. I’m not vexed about my friend, and I’m turning my attention to being calm and connected before I watch the Abe replay.

    This feeling of alignment is like the quasi-meditative states I used to read about and practice when I was younger. It’s seeing things differently and experiencing my life differently.

    This is where I’m meant to be, and I’ll practice it more and more while cleaning up my critical thoughts and savouring my connected state.

    I’m seeing my therapist tomorrow and I will see today what themes are best to bring to that segment.

  9. #1829
    I can tell I’m feeling better because I’m now having idle thoughts about how to make more progress on a subject, like “make hay while the sun shines”

    But the sun always shines for me, if I align with it.

    I want to have more momentum in my alignment and I also want to practice appreciating from within alignment.

    I sense that things are happening when I am aligned. And I know from Abe that things are happening while I am aligned.

  10. #1830
    Abe is talking about magic powers etc.
    And I understand that my desire for magic powers from a young age, my demand for nothing short of magic powers, is proportional to my past resistance and unhappiness.

    Nothing would make up for my misery and disenchantment, short of real magic, real powers, unique and special and supramundane.

    But I can feel the resistance in that. I can see now that I was using this demand as a way of pushing against my life and criticising the unwanted in my life. As much as I would enjoy magical powers, I was also using them as my excuse to keep feeling bad.

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