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Thread: Pingan’s practice

  1. #2371
    I do not feel like trying to feel better. Nor do I feel bad.

    Trying is now too much. I do not need to try. I can just do what feels better. Focus where I feel better, and follow my guidance where feeling better leads.

    Past programs are not accurate anymore. I will discover new ones.

    I was trying to feel better but now I am just feeling better.



  2. #2372
    I have some resistance but I can choose to either clean it up or focus on feeling better anyway. I guess part of me thinks I cannot feel good unless I clean it up, but that is not accurate. I can feel better. I guess part of me wants to clean it up because it feels so good to let go of resistance. I can recall the feeling of letting go of resistance. That does feel good. Maybe I can feel good AND clean up resistance.



  3. #2373
    It is up to me to find the love for my own enjoyment and satisfaction. It is up to me to find the love and enjoy it.
    How?
    By focusing on vibrations that feel like love and feel like enjoyment.
    The feeling of love and enjoyment is something I can reach for. It is worth reaching for because I deserve to feel good.
    I deserve to feel good and I have the power to feel love and enjoyment for myself by myself.
    I am glad that I have this power. I am glad that I know my deservedness. I am glad I can sit here in my car in this beautiful place and home in on vibrations that feel like love and enjoyment. Tune my vibration to the frequency of love and enjoyment.
    My life will reflect back to me the extent to which I tune myself to this frequency.
    I could always tune to love, but the key is tuning for my own enjoyment. Not to make anything happen and not to push against unwanted.
    Just love for my enjoyment. Love for my enjoyment. Love for my enjoyment, and enjoyment for my own sake.



  4. #2374
    Interesting question: what interrupts my own love and enjoyment?
    Is it paying attention to other people?
    I will observe and find out.....


    The thought is: but I need to pay attention to what is going on around me.
    Why?
    I have an expectation of being broken out of my reverie if I am not prepared or attentive.

    I have an expectation of having to deal with other people problems and stresses that were forced on me when I was young.

    What I need is conviction that nothing can shake or penetrate my love and enjoyment. And if it does I can deal with it. I will not blame myself for feeling good. I will not say that I was foolish for feeling good and then something unwanted happened.



  5. #2375
    Okay
    I can turn on and off a vibration of love, for my own enjoyment.

    The question is why I turn it off.

    I have touched on the fear of bad things happening while I am feeling good and thinking this is blameworthy.

    I have touched on people demanding through forceful expression that I stop feeling good and join them in their chain of pain, their crisis.

    A third reason is being told by siblings and parents that I should not feel good about myself. That I am too fat, too ugly, too gullible, too useless, too lacking to feel good about me. That they would feel bad if they were me, and I should feel bad for being me.

    But I know now that my father was an abusive vulnerable-narcissist. My sister was some kind of psychopath and sadist. Both of them enjoyed hurting me, they found it entertaining. They wanted to smother my lightness and brightness. They found it fun to upset me and torment me.

    So I know now that feeling good is my right and my responsibility to myself. I know that it is the right way to live: to feel good first in myself unconditionally. I know that what they presented to me were warped values and notions.

    I can tune into love for my own enjoyment and there is no valid reason for tuning out of it. There is nothing that can justify or obligate tuning out of it.

    My practice will continue and I will get better and clearer at tuning in and not tuning out.



  6. #2376
    Tuning into the feeling of love, for my own enjoyment. I can stay here. There is no reason to tune out of it. I am so glad I can tune into love.

    I will let go of anything that invites me to tune out.

    When I am tuned into love, love comes in a flow to me. Nothing unwanted can come to me, or rather, I can see and feel the wanted aspects of everything coming to me.

    It is safe to stay in love. Not only safe, it is beneficial to stay in love. Casting a loving aura over everything that comes to me.



  7. #2377
    What am I waiting for? Am I waiting for conditions to improve? Am I waiting for people to approve? Am I waiting for a sign?

    The signs come AFTER my vibrational shift. Conditions change AFTER I feel good. People approve AFTER I feel so good I do not need approval.

    All the love in the universe is waiting for me to allow it right now. I will tune in to it.



  8. #2378
    Feeling good does not need to be justified or explained to others. It does not need to be conditionally calibrated. It does not need to be tied to circumstances.

    Feeling good can be tied to my deliberate enjoyment. It can be tied to my desire to feel good. It can be tied to the beauty and the appreciation highlighted by my desires.



  9. #2379
    One more obstacle:
    Who am I to feel good while other people are bearing burdens.
    I was told my happiness was unjust because others in my family were burdened. So I shared in the burden to show that my happiness was pure.
    But that was a flawed assumption.

    If there are burdens, it is because people are a match to them. And I cannot lift burdens by sharing them. Joining the chain of pain does not reduce pain.

    When I am aligned, there are no burdens. I love you, this is beautiful. I love tuning myself into this. I am continuing.



  10. #2380
    Next objection:

    There are things I need to work on and practice and get done that do not feel good but I need to do them anyway. Therefore feeling love for my own enjoyment is not enough to lead a good life.

    My response is that this is simply not proven. I have never felt good long enough to see if there is anything left undone or neglected. Instead this belief was foisted on me by my father? that there are unwanted things we simply have to face and get done.

    For example, if I do not feel like doing my kung fu training, I might forget it and get slack and lose it.

    But that is a fear. I create my reality, and if I practice love and follow my inspiration, all the things I love will flourish and grow with me.

    Let us practice it and find out. When I feel inspired to do something, I can do it. But for now it is most important that I feel good and practice feeling good.

    I can tune in to love for my own enjoyment. What is the point of kung fu if I do not enjoy it? Better yet, I can attract enjoyable ways of doing kung fu instead of forcing myself to just do it.

    I can tune in to love and feel it for my own enjoyment. There is no limit to how good I can feel. All the things I want: house, money, projects, my best friend with us, my physical wholeness, my proficiency at martial arts; all of these are signposts or markers for the amounts of love I want to let flow in my experience right now.



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