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Thread: Pingan’s practice

  1. #2641
    Part of me thinks all conditions are bad conditions. Part of me thinks that conditions are inherently bad Or dissatisfying like the Buddhists say.

    I agreed that all conditions are bad, all phenomena are empty, all manifestations are lacking; because this consoled me.

    Part of me still likes this move. **** reality. But what if conditions are not all bad, what if they are not empty? What if manifestations are not lacking? What if it is possible to have all wonderful things coming? Treasures and loves and joys and delights? What is stopping you from embracing loves and joys and delights?

    Prove it. That is my riposte. Prove it and then I will feel better. Prove to me that life can be good and then I will change my mind about it. Let life improve and then I will feel good about it.

    Does that work? It has not yet.



  2. #2642
    I am angry with my bf because I have told her everything and she still does not do what I want. That sounds bad, but I mean that she knows how I feel and she feels similarly but she still avoids me and ignores me and does not reach out. And now I can see that I am trying to get her to change to please me. And Abe says people will change to please me, but only via LoA.



  3. #2643
    Amazing. I am so used to giving way and being detached that I did not realise I had become the prime example of wanting someone to change so that I can be happy.

    Far out.

    I thought it was about me owning my desires but truthfully I had talked to her as if sharing my thoughts and feelings would change my reality including her actions. That revealing my thoughts and feelings would result in change.

    But neither my partner nor my bf responded like that to my words.

    So I am in this hilarious position of wanting her to behave differently for me. Wanting both of them to behave differently. How funny. Pushing against my own fears and doubts and frustrations. Thinking my words were the most important part.

    How funny! I was struggling to wrap my head around it. But it is straightforward. I wanted them both to change for me so I could feel better. But that wont happen.

    How can I feel better about my bf right now? I dont need her to change for me to feel better. Being angry felt better. And then I realised why I was angry. I wanted her to change. But that is silly. I want her to change so I can have what I want and then I will feel so good. But that means I feel bad already and want her to change so I can stop feeling bad. I am asking LoA to stop working consistently and that is not going to happen.

    How can I stop feeling bad myself? Make peace with how I actually feel. And stop asking her or my partner to change as if they are causing me to feel bad in the first place, or as if they even possibly can buck my vibration.



  4. #2644
    Reprise:
    I have been trying to get my best friend to behave differently and that is fraught and futile and profoundly conditional. It is okay that I tried, but it does not serve me. Because the way my bf shows up in my reality is determined by my vibration, not by trying to get her to act or behave in any way.



  5. #2645
    So efforts like msging her in hopes she replies to me, or ignoring her until she misses me, are action pathways that do not serve me.

    If I want her to show up differently in my reality, I just need to keep doing the work of feeling better and releasing resistance.

    Just feeling better and releasing resistance.



  6. #2646
    I have to take responsibility for what I am attracting from her and from others.
    What is my dominant expectation? I can change my expectation slowly. But I will not deny responsibility anymore.
    I am responsible for what others are doing and saying with regard to me.



  7. #2647
    1. When my bf looks at me as if I am light, then I see myself as light. I want to know myself as light and have confidence in myself as light.

    2. To stop being controlled with threats and coercion I learned to clench my muscles internally and out to overwhelm the coercive impulse. But I do not need to do that anymore. There is no coercion now.

    1. I love and appreciate my bf, but I was also wanting to see myself as light, reflected in how she sees me. I want now to know it and feel it myself, to trust my own light.



  8. #2648
    Trust my own light. Trust my own feelings. Trust my own goodness and lightness.
    Trust myself. Trust my intentions. Trust my energy. Trust my feelings. Trust my vibration. Trust my light.



  9. #2649
    I wanted to see my light shining in my awesome bf. I wanted her to reflect my light so I could know that I am light after all.

    And that happened many times. Now I want to trust and know and feel my own light without needing others to reflect it for me.

    I need to feel my own light as if my bf had just exuberantly responded to me, or reached out spontaneously, and sought to see me and be with me and reconnect with me and change things for the better going forward.

    I need to feel the purity and strength and clarity of my own light without any of those conditions needing to come. That is where I need to be to find security and peace and stability.

    From now on, knowing and feeling and meditating on my own light is my priority.



  10. #2650
    What is my game plan?

    I have reconnected with my ego
    I still have some trauma stuff to resolve
    I can increase my sense of being in the light and being made of light and confident in my own light, and knowing that my light allows Source to shape my reality in alignment with my desires.



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